Parenting Tips from a Survivor—Part 5

By Chuck Gartman

Posted December 16, 2005

Of all the things that elude young people, healthy self-regard tops the list. As we think of

how we as parents can help them develop a healthy regard for themselves some biblical

principles may be helpful.

• God loves us and wants the very best for us (John 3:16)

• Jesus says that we are to love ourselves (Matthew 22:34-40)

• Jesus indicates that He wants us to have a full life (John 10:10)

• God believes that we are worth being provided for (Philippians 4:19)

• God does not want us to be conceited (Galatians 6:3-4)

With this ammunition in our possession let’s explore some ways to aid our youth in

developing and maintaining a healthy view of themselves.

• Identify the source of FEELINGS of low self worth. Three quick, but not exhaustive sources: 1) Others indicate that we have no value in how they treat us and speak to us; 2) Our own inner feelings of worthlessness may come from how we look or how we feel; and 3) Sometimes Satan is the cause of our feeling poorly about ourselves.

• Help youth to think of things that they LIKE about themselves. Explore things like their talents, their abilities, their preferences, their positive qualities, etc. This takes the edge off the negative. It is much easier for us to think of things we don’t like about ourselves, so this may be a challenge to get your teens to think differently about themselves.

• Deal with our ATTITUDES about our own selves as adults. These will include recognizing that there are differences between individuals and we don’t need to make our teens like someone else. We must fight the urge to compare ourselves as well as our teenagers with others. Too, we need to have a good attitude about ourselves. Admitting when we are wrong may pave the way for our youth to feel better about who they are, and being willing to admit when we “just don’t know” gives credence to our humanity.

ACT on some things that we know are right and true. One thing that we can do as parents to our teens is to speak words of affirmation. Compliment them and encourage them. Spending time with them speaks volumes about their worth. One thing we have difficulty doing is listening. Our youth sense they are valuable to us and to others when we take the time to listen to them, AND as we bite our tongues when what we want to say in return does not build them up. A few other things may be helpful as well. 1) Move toward allowing youth to make some decisions themselves; 2) Watch out for “niggling” things. Resist focusing on minors, and 3) Pray for a healthy self esteem for yourself and for your teen.