Parenting Tips from a Survivor—Part 8

By Chuck Gartman

Posted December 16, 2005

After last month’s article you may be asking yourself some serious questions about whether or not we should be talking with our kids about their sexuality or not. The answer to that question is a resounding “YES!” If we don’t then they will get their information from somewhere, and often that can be disastrous.

Basically, there are three areas for us to consider in our understanding of sexuality. First of all, it is physical. Yes, it is important to understand how the body works, but there is some confusion on the part of teens who equate sexuality only with the physical. They think that “making love” is having sex, while we as adults know that it goes far beyond just the physical. It is also, secondly, emotional. We cannot just present our teens with a list of “do’s and don’t’s” although that is somewhat necessary. There is a law called “The Law of Diminishing Returns” which states that what it takes to satisfy us today will not be sufficient in the same quantity to provide the same amount of satisfaction tomorrow. Sexuality is more than physical. An open dialog with teens is important. Forcing our values and ideals on them will not keep them from becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease. Finally, sexuality is spiritual/ethical. We want to help our teens to develop self-control and mastery of their sexuality so that each may use it in a healthy, God-honoring manner. The Bible has many things to say about sexuality. Here are a few verses that may help you in teaching your teen about healthy sexuality: Genesis 1:26-27, 31; Deuteronomy 24:5; Proverbs 31:10-11; I Corinthians 3:16; I Corinthians 6: 18-20; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19, 22; Ephesians 5:3; Ephesians 5:22-23; Colossians 3:5; Hebrews 13:4; and I Peter 3:7. Many more may be found by searching a Bible Concordance.

So here are some guidelines to help us teach our teenagers about healthy sexuality:

1. Give our children happy, loving homes in which they see a wholesome model of sexuality in their parents.

2. Help them thoroughly understand their bodies and the feelings associated with sex.

3. Teach them a positive morality based on the worth of each individual and his/her responsibility to himself/herself, to others, and to God.

4. Have a personal healthy attitude toward our own sexuality.

5. Understand what the Bible has to say about sexuality.

6. Provide an attitude of openness and honesty where youth will feel free to ask questions.

7. Create opportunities for training and learning to help teenagers to deal with sexual problems.

8. Encourage and re-enforce healthy sexual behavior.

9. Pray continually for personal guidance.

God’s best to you as you journey through this difficult responsibility of teaching your teen about his/her sexuality.