Parenting Tips from a Survivor—Part 16

By Chuck Gartman

Posted December 16, 2005

Last month we started on some steps that can help us to be better parents of teenagers in the 21 st century. That list is continued here.

1. As was stated back in this column in February, 2003, we must identify and communicate our values to our children. If we want our children to tell the truth then we must do the same—consistently, not just when it serves our own purposes. Values are more caught than just taught.

2. We must continue to express our love and acceptance of our children. Even when their behavior disappoints us, we must continue to let them know of our love for them. Another way to say that is we love the child but not the sin. I don’t mean to imply that this is easy because it is not. Genuine care for our children will grow out of our awareness that we are genuinely cared for by God.

3. Discipline is an ongoing process, not just a one time act. Our goal is that our children will ultimately become self-disciplined and self-controlled. If discipline does not eventually become internal, then no amount of outside pressure to conform will make a teenager a spiritually healthy person. It must become personal and that is a long-term process.

4. It almost goes without saying that we must pray continually for and about our children. God is more concerned for them than we possibly can be, so He welcomes our conversations to Him about them.

5. Worship together as a family. Participating in regular worship, both corporately and personally, will move us all toward spiritual health. Again, I cannot hope that my child will grow to be a faithful worshipper of the Lord if I refuse to do so myself. Make the decision to attend worship before Sunday morning. Let it become a lifestyle for you. Your teens will likely catch that from you. Also, remember that personal and family worship are important as well. Please don’t neglect either.

6. Be active participants in the work and activities of the church. Remember to balance your time with your family and in your church activities, but again, if you want your youth to participate in church activities then you must do the same. Dropping them off at Youth Activities will not teach them to be faithful churchmen.

7. Finally, make every effort to participate in ministries at your church that are designed for you as a parent. Not every church does this, but when a seminar or class is offered to help parents be better at their jobs, be sure to go. It will communicate volumes to your teen when they see that you are trying to improve in your parenting skills.