Parenting Tips from a Survivor—Part 17

By Chuck Gartman

Posted December 16, 2005

Actually, we talk more about goal-setting for our teenagers than we actually do as parents, but it is still an important concept to consider in guiding our teens to become fully functional adults in this world. Understanding what drives people is a first step in helping our teens to set reasonable goals for their own lives. Psychologically, the will to live, the need to feel important, the need to be novel, and the need to love and be loved is what motivates most of us in our lives.

One thing to remember as parents is that whether we have a formal way of educating our teens about goal-setting or not, they will watch us to see what our plans are about our future and how we move toward them. Goal-setting will be caught if it is not taught.

Following are some things to remember related to goal-setting. It is called the MAPS Principle.

*For teenagers, goals must be Measurable. For many of us goals tend to be vague and obscure instead of definite, so our teens will be unable to tell if they have reached them or not. *Secondly, goals must be Attainable. Being able to reach them is important, so goals need to be reasonable and reachable.

*Goals must also be Personal. Someone else’s goals will not necessarily be motivating to youth. This one is particularly difficult for parents because we tend to have goals for our children. However, unless those goals become their own, they are not likely to pursue them vigorously. *Finally, goals must be Specific. The best way for us to know if we have arrived at our goals is be as specific as possible.

For teens to move in this direction for their lives requires guidance from us as parents. We must help them know whether their goals are God’s goals or just their own. Here are three areas where they can get guidance in regard to this:

1. Through their own prayer and Bible Study. God will give them direction as they seek it in His Word.

2. Through guidance from Family and Friends. We have responsibility as parents to keep them on track and their mature friends can be a source of help as well.

3. Through guidance from Christian leaders. A trusted staff member (pastor, youth minister, Minister of Education, etc) as well as committed church members can guide youth toward Godly goals.

Ultimately teenagers must use their own faith in the Lord as they set and progress toward goals they set in their lives. As parents we will be the support that they need in guiding them to do just that.