Parenting Tips from a Survivor—Part 20

By Chuck Gartman

Posted December 16, 2005

We used to read fairy tales to our children that almost always ended with the title of this article. All of us have fallen into the trap of expecting this will be the case because we have been conditioned to it. We see it on television; we observe it in movies; we hear about it in athletic events; and we watch it in plays and drama presentations. We come to expect it. The problem is that this is not normal life. All things do not just work out and everyone rides happily into the sunset. The truth is that sometimes things do not work out or at least they don’t get resolved until much later.

In describing his Christian experience one friend used to say, “The Christian life is so daily.” What he meant was that we live the Christian life one day at a time. That is easily transferred to the parenting experience. It is so daily and it rarely ends with the title of these musings. We must parent one day at a time.

As we tried to rear our children in the Christian way of life, they sometimes made decisions that were not what we would have chosen for them. Often they suffered the consequences for these poor choices, and the downside for us as parents is that we suffered, too. In some cases, we continue to suffer. Living happily ever after is not how I would describe it.

So what are you and I to do when our children make choices that are contrary to what we feel they should do? One promise I have claimed dozens of times is the one found in Proverbs 22:6—“Train up a child in the way she should go and when she is old she will not depart from it.” Note that I used “she” instead of “he” because we have only daughters. I have found much solace in these words and I am certain that the Lord can bring our children back into focus.

In the mean time what can we do? Here are a few suggestions that have helped me as I have wandered through this seemingly never-ending land of “unhappily ever after.”

• Keep reminding your children of the values that you hold. Don’t be ashamed of them. They have seen you through lots of difficulties and trials.

• Continue consistently seeking God’s best for yourself

• Pray constantly for yourself and for your child. Ultimately, we have to depend on the Lord for their deliverance and safety.

• Understand that “happiness” depends on the happenings around us. True joy comes from the confidence that we have a Resource in the Lord who will see us through. It is His joy.

The end result is that we may not live “happily ever after,” but with the Lord’s help, we will indeed live “joyfully ever after.”